And now a post from a new contributor to this site: The Bottom Board Man!

It’s 3 o’clock in the morning and I wake to find myself covered in pork pie wrappers, in Derbyshire and travelling at 55 mph. Thankfully this isn’t the usual manner of my first waking moment but one which clearly demands further explanation.

It all started in a pub as these normal bonkers ideas do. I’m having a drink with my chess playing buddy PA when we got on to the riveting conversation of my cars fuel economy. Now this car is no ordinary car, it has some very serious chess roots. It was none-other than the Pert family heirloom passed down through two whole generations of the Pert family! Richard Pert (the evil twin) and his mum. I procured this mighty beast for the princely sum of £250.00 and was then the proud owner of a 1991 1.4L White Escort.

Now back to the pub. I mentioned to PA about the fuel economy which was really rather special for a car of these years and wondered how far it would go on one tank. I had a hankering to see Scotland which was scoffed at with the gauntlet then being thrown down – “If you make it to Edinburgh I’ll buy you a packet of pork scratching AND give you a pound”. How could one possibly refuse?

So last weekend I picked up PA at midnight, a quick visit to the local Tescos and we were off. PA took first shift so I laid out in the back for a quick snooze and regaled him with a veritable chorus of deep throaty snoring.

By seven in the morning we were coming in to Alnwick on the Northumberland coast where we were due to pick up Danny Gormally who was to join us on our adventure. However at this wee hour he was still all tucked up and wasn’t coming out to play so we ventured on until nine in the morning when we hit the centre of Edinburgh. The joy of it! I won the bet with still fuel in the car. “I’ll double or quits you on Inverness” says PA? This is now a long way from home and I’m not too confident being a further 175 miles of highlands to cross but with that sort of scenery ahead of you for the next few hours there can be only one choice. “DONE!” I exclaim.

A quick breakfast in Perth and on to the A9. We finally arrive in Inverness at one thirty with still fuel in the car but at this point we are pretty much running out of Scotland and we are now 590 miles from home so we call it a day and find a B&B. Check in back in the car and have a quick tour round Loch Ness and come across a delightful small village at the end of the Loch – Fort Augustus with more licensed premises than people I think. If you haven’t been there yet drop whatever it is you are doing and go now, immediately. I assure you, you can get there on one tank of fuel!

Back to the B&B to dump the car and we hit the town, well Inverness anyway. We popped in for a quick Tapas and then headed over the road to the Castle pub for an evening of blitz chess. This really didn’t go down well after our monstrous journey but made for some interesting games on of which I here produced below.

The moral of which is always ask yourself – Is that Legal?

GOG – PA

1.e4 c5 2.Nf3 d6 3.d4 cxd4 4.Nxd4 Nf6 5.Nc3 g6 6.Be3 Bg7 7.f3 Nc6 8.Qd2 0–0 9.0–0–0 d5 10.exd5 Nxd5 11.Nxc6 bxc6 12.Nxd5 cxd5 13.Qxd5 Qc7 14.Qc5 Qb7 15.Qa3 Bf5 16.Bd3 Bxd3 17.Rxd3 Rfd8 18.Rhd1 Rxd3 19.Rxd3 Rb8 20.Rb3 Qc8 21.Qxa7 Ra8 22.Qxe7 Qc4 23.Rd3 Rc8 24.Rd8+ Rxd8 25.Qxd8+ Bf8 26.b3 Qb4 27.Bh6

27…Bxh6+!! PA cried out ‘CHECK!’ with a big beaming smile to which I responded by dropping my head in to my hands muttering obscenities – how could this be? So I resigned and bought the next round and ate my two packets of pork scratching!. Had I been awake maybe I would have spotted this brazen illegality.